get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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