i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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