Pants 0. Shit 1.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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