You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
