Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
