I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
