I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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