how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
