Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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