Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".

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(720): View more from Colorado

So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

(970): View more from Colorado

well, dont

(720): View more from Colorado

I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.

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(207): View more from Maine

can u get pink eye on your cock?

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(703): View more from Virginia

Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook

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(208): View more from Idaho

I agree and I would be an awesome dog

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.

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