Please, let me fuck your mom
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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