I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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