just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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