Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
