Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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