i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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