And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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