My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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