Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
