i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
