What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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