Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
