you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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