I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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