im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
