I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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