I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
