Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
