Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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