lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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