I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
