If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
