your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
