Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
