I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
