i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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