Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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