you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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