Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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