It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
