So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
