I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
