Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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