Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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