First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
