I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
