So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
