oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I just sharted jello shots
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
