Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
His nipple licking is glorious
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