Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
