i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she woke up with a sticky ear
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
